I am 43 years old. I have ADHD. One of my children does too. The combination, at its worst, has produced some of the hardest moments in my parenting life. Not because either of us is a bad person. Not because we do not love each other. But because two ADHD minds in the same room, when a situation tips over, do not cancel each other out. They amplify each other.

I talked through this on Day 2065 of my daily running streak. I am out every morning in Vibram FiveFingers, barefoot-style on the roads, building a cumulative 15,957km toward 40,075km, a lap of the world on foot. I raise money for children's causes as I go, for Great Ormond Street and BBC Children in Need. Today's run gave me space to be honest about something I still find genuinely difficult.

The ADHD Mind and the Need for Justice

One of the clearest traits I notice in myself, and I see the same in my child, is what I call the need for justice. When something happens and feels wrong or out of order, the ADHD mind does not file the issue away for later. The issue registers as urgent. The brain demands a response. Right now.

In my work life, I have built systems, processes, and support structures around myself specifically to channel this drive productively. This is how I describe myself as high-functioning with ADHD. Not because my ADHD is mild, but because the scaffolding around my ADHD is strong. At home the scaffolding is thinner. When I am tired, or stretched, or a small incident with my child presses the justice button, I react. Fast. Almost always too fast.

What the Cycle Looks Like

Something minor triggers my child. Their ADHD means they respond immediately, at high volume. My ADHD reads their reaction as a further trigger and I respond in kind. Within 90 seconds we have moved from a level-two situation to a level-nine argument. The original incident warranted no more than a calm two-sentence conversation later in the evening.

Then I make the situation worse. I dish out consequences in the heat of the moment, more than warranted, at a severity I have no realistic way to follow through with. My child has watched this pattern enough times to know the follow-through will be incomplete. So the consequence becomes noise. The argument produces nothing except two people left drained and more distant than when they started.

My wife handles the same situations differently. She steps back. She lets the moment pass without escalating. When my child has done something worth addressing, she waits until the atmosphere is calm, raises the behaviour gently, and explains why the behaviour was wrong. My child responds positively, says sorry sincerely, and the issue is resolved. The same child who, moments earlier, was at high emotion with me. Good parenting, reached by a completely different route to the one I take.

What I Know but Find Hard to Do

The frustrating part of ADHD is this: awareness does not automatically translate into changed behaviour. I know what I am supposed to do. I read about this subject. I think about this during runs like today's. Then the next situation arrives and the reaction gets ahead of the thinking.

What I am working on is an interrupt. Something internal, firing at the moment I feel the escalation coming, saying: this is not the time. Walk away. Let the moment settle. Come back to the conversation when both of us are in a state to hear each other. Not avoiding the conversation, choosing the right moment for the conversation.

The ADHD child is not going to absorb a lesson delivered in anger. Neither am I. The lesson lands when both of us are regulated, calm, and open. Dish out five consequences in the heat of the moment and follow through with none of them, and my child learns consequences are noise. Wait, choose the moment, address the behaviour once and clearly, and the message gets through. The difference is entirely in the timing.

Why I Bring This Up Here

This is a running vlog and a fundraiser and a daily commitment to 40,075km. But this is also an honest account of a real life, including the parts I find genuinely difficult.

I run for children's causes. Part of the reason this mission matters to me is the children I run for include children with ADHD, children whose relationships with their parents are shaped by exactly the dynamics I have described. If one ADHD parent finds something in this worth taking home and trying, this is reason enough to raise the subject openly.

There are 24,118km left in this streak. There will be more moments where my ADHD gets ahead of my intentions, more arguments I escalate when stepping back would serve better, more consequences issued in heat rather than logic. I am not through learning this. But I am committed to the process, the same way I am committed to getting out of the door every morning. One day at a time. One honest episode at a time.

If this has resonated, follow the journey, share with someone who might need to hear this, and if you want to support the mission to raise £1M for children's causes, the link is below.

Watch the full episode: https://youtu.be/_-0WeLIouCI